April is Sitting with Sadness

Your April Tarot Reading & Magical Download

When the first Inside Out movie came out, my mom and I joked that she was Joy, and I was Sadness. My mom is an energizer bunny of a woman, always bouncing from one thing to the next and only at ease when everyone is smiling. I, on the other hand, love a good shower cry. Sometimes I play my sad songs playlist on repeat just to get a good sob going. I feel everything, deeply, and I find something comforting and beautiful about the honesty of grief.

Often, the cards take the side of Joy. They remind me to embrace the little things in life and connect with the part of myself I inherited from my mother—the part that gets giddy when I see the first crocus pushing through the frozen dirt and can talk for 20 minutes straight to my fiancé about the cute thing our dog did today. But as we approach April, the cards are inviting us to spend some time sitting with Sadness.

Sometimes, life is hard. Lately, life has been hard. And we’re being invited to simply allow that to be true and hold space for all the emotions wrapped therewithin.

April Theme: Ten of Swords

One of the more evocative images in the tarot, the Ten of Swords features a person lying on their belly with ten swords stabbed into their back. It’s a card of endings, and not very pleasant ones, at that. When this card shows up, we are facing a difficult finale or saying hard goodbyes.

I get the sense that most of us already know what this ending is about. It doesn’t feel like a warning for some big, unexpected reveal yet to come. Rather, I get the sense that as we’re approaching April, we’re starting to process and work through whatever endings have already begun.

For some of us this may be a literal ending. Perhaps a job loss, the end of a relationship, or the loss of a loved one. For others, it feels more internal. Ending old habits that have held you back; letting go of thought spirals and limiting beliefs; working through traumas and trapped emotions. However it manifests, it’s not going to be easy, and we need to be patient with ourselves as we move through this time of grief and endings.

What to Lean Away From: Strength

When this card first showed up in the “what to lean away from” position, I was taken aback. Even more so when I saw Two of Swords in the “what to lean towards” position, as I rarely think of that card as something to aspire to. It was a good reminder that there are two sides to every tarot card and that, ultimately, there are no “good” or “bad” cards.

I don’t read this message as a need to stop being strong. Instead, I’m hearing it as a reminder that we have to feel the pain in order to process it. When a difficult ending comes around, how many of us take a grin and bare it attitude? How often do we force ourselves to fake it until we make it, no matter how much we’re hurting?

Perhaps there is a time for that chin up, just keep swimming approach. But it’s not now. Now is the time to feel everything that needs to be felt. Let yourself cry. Let yourself scream. Let yourself feel angry, sad, helpless, embarrassed, self-righteous, or whatever other emotion needs to surface. Let yourself witness the impact of those ten swords digging into your skin. It’s going to hurt. Endings often do. But you have to let yourself feel it if you’re ever going to move through it.

What to Lean Towards: Two of Swords

Similar to the message above, the Two of Swords in this position is an invitation to sit with this experience. We see a figure on a stone chair, blindfolded and holding two swords, arms crossed over their heart. Eventually, they will need to put down the swords, take off the blindfold, and get up. When they are ready to do so, the road is clear and open before them.

Eventually, you too will move beyond this pain. You will build something out of this grief and grow into whatever next chapter awaits. But that moment does not have to be right now. There is no urgency; no need to rush from experiencing the loss to finding some deeper meaning. It’s okay if you aren’t ready to move forward. April does not ask us to make big decisions or transform our lives overnight. It asks us to sit with whatever is coming up and simply hold steady in this pause as we process all that’s happened.

You might feel trapped in this moment, but like the figure in the Two of Swords, you can leave at any time. Whenever your arms get tired, you can put the swords down and start moving again. But the invitation here is to embrace the stillness, hold space for all the thoughts and emotions moving through you, and let yourself witness the grief that this ending has brought. The path forward isn’t going anywhere; it will be there when you’re ready to move again.

Bottom of the Deck: Eight of Swords, Reversed & Ten of Pentacles

While the Two of Swords represents someone who feels trapped but is not, the figure in the Eight of Swords is well and truly trapped. Bound, blindfolded, and surrounded by swords. However, in the reversed position, I see this card as a glimmer of hope. Loss, grief, and hard endings can feel inescapable. This card is a reminder that we are not, in fact, trapped. That while we may be frozen in this place of strong emotions and deep pain, we will surface again. As cliché as it sounds, it’s a reminder that this too shall pass, even if it takes longer than we’d like. Even if the idea of ever getting through this feels impossible.

Paired with the Ten of Pentacles, we are also being reminded that we have what we need to weather this storm. Maybe it’s financial resources. Perhaps it’s your community or a supportive partner. Regardless of how it shows up, the Ten of Pentacles is a reminder that even though you feel alone and getting through this feels impossible, those are simply stories grief loves to tell. You are not alone. You will get through this. We just might have to sit in the sadness for a while first.

Support from Spirit: Devotion & Food, Grief, and Healing

The last two cards we pulled came through as messages from Spirit regarding what might be helpful to support us through this difficult time. First, we pulled the card “Devotion.” This, to me, is a reminder that it doesn’t matter what it looks like when you show up, as long as it comes from the heart. So often we talk about tending the altars, giving offerings, saying prayers, completing rituals, and the like. But as we’re moving through this time of grief and loss, many of us will not have the energy to show up the ways we think we are supposed to.

Ultimately, showing up for your guides, ancestors, and good spirits does not require all this performance. At the end of the day, what matters is that it comes from the heart. So maybe you fill the water cups, pour the coffee, light the candles, and say your prayers. Or maybe you bow your head in the shower for a minute and just let the love and gratitude wash through you. If that’s all you can do, that’s okay. As long as it’s from the heart, it’s enough.

The other card we pulled was more of an assignment or practice that might be supportive during this time and for that, I’ll simply transcribe what the card says here:

Food is a powerful coping mechanism for grief. We gather around tables for comforting meals, or deliver casseroles to grieving loved ones. In grief, it’s tempting to indulge in sugary, fatty foods for comfort. Instead, I’ve learned to channel my grief into cooking and turn it into something tangible. I start with raw materials, which need to be chopped, cut open, smashed, or diced in order to release their potency and cook properly. When raw material meets heat, true transformation begins.

Choose a recipe—one you know by heart or one you’ve never tried. Gather the ingredients. As you manipulate each raw ingredient, project your grief into it. Watch it transform as you chop, slice, sauté, or bake. Feel your anger burn like the heat of the stove, yet watch how vegetables soften in the heat. See how sizzling meat resists the hot pan, then relaxes to accept the transformation. Your finished meal will be a product of healing—comforting and creative, cathartic and nourishing. – Prompt by Kate Campbell from The Grief Deck

April Workshops to Embrace Your Magic

April 12th, 2-3:30pm: Practical Magic—Simmer Pots
April 18th, 5-7:30pm: Journey into Spirit
April 22nd, 6-7:30pm: Clearing the Way Ritual
April 27th, 5-7pm: Tarot + Tea

Your April Magical Download

Every month, paid subscribers receive a magical download that includes:

⭐ A channeled playlist embodying the energy of the month
⭐ A magical spell, ritual, or potion to support you this month
⭐ A delicious tea recommendation paired with curated journal prompts
⭐ A channeled message from the Ancestors about what offerings they want at the altar
⭐ Crafts, activities, and suggestions to help you rest, create, and play

Subscribe today to get your April Magical Download!